Welcome to Yanks-Suck.Com Interested in advertising with us? Click hereAs you may have figured out already, this page is dedicated to how much the New York Yankees suck and our hatred that has ensued. Though this page is made by Boston Red Sox fans, we try not to favor them on the site.
Obviously, we don't hate the Yankees because they literally “suck” at baseball (though there have been plenty of times when they have), we hate them for their arrogance, lack of integrity, and a payroll that has single-handedly crippled baseball for small market teams.
FoxSports.com has all the latest New York Yankees news, standings, stats and more.
Hank Steinbrenner's New Target: The National League
"My only message is simple. The National League needs to join the 21st century," Steinbrenner said in Tampa, Fla. "They need to grow up and join the 21st century.
"Am I (mad) about it? Yes," Steinbrenner added. "I've got my pitchers running the bases, and one of them gets hurt. He's going to be out. I don't like that, and it's about time they address it. That was a rule from the 1800s."
I Don't Even Know Where to Begin...
I know it’s been a while since I last updated and I do apologize (well not really because reading this site really is a privilege for you and I’ll update it whenever I damn well feel like it!)
Anywho, it hasn’t been THAT long, yet there’s been so much hilarious Yankee activity I don’t even know where to begin making fun of them.
Roger and his Loving wife Debbie, whom he cheated on for 10 years after he fell in love with a 15 year old girl
Well let’s start with the obvious, the all-star game is less than a month away and the Yankees are in third place behind the Devil Rays. Speaking of that, the All-star game is being held in Yankee Stadium this year, which also happens to be the last year the Yankees will be playing there, and some guys came up with a good idea to start a movement called Red Bronx ’08, basically the idea is that everyone should make it a point to not vote for any Yankees for the upcoming ASG as it would just be hilariously embarrassing for them to not have any Yankees on the roster. Speaking of embarrassing things here's a fun fact about the Yankees this season: The Florida Marlins currently have two more wins than the Yankees do. Alex Rodriguez will make $6 million dollars more than the entire Florida Marlins roster will this year.
Next there’s the whole Roger Clemens thing. It was recently brought to public attention that Roger Clemens regularly used Viagra, not only with *women*, but while he pitched too, because aparently the steroids he injected into his butt made him impotent, and also Viagra itself is apparently another thing that can be used to cheat in itself
Also, notice how I just said “women” in the previous paragraph, because it was also recently made public that Clemens cheated on his wife with a 15 year old girl. My God, this guy is just one amazing story after another.
Jason Giambi's Lucky Thong
Speaking of things that are really friggen weird, Jason Giambi recently admitted to not only wearing a GOLDEN TIGER-STRIPED THONG but he also shares it with his teammates!
Now, if you’re a regular reader of this site (or if you’re not, you could always just look through our archives and read up on some old stories that are just as F’d up as this one) I have used my detective skills to loosely describe what happens in the Yankees club house on an average day:
The players make fun of club attendants for being gay (see: Paul Priore archives), then go fornicate with each other in the steam room. Viagra is possibly involved.
While other players are having having interscourse with each other, Roger Clemens is having doing it with a 15 year old girl.
The players who aren’t busy being bent over for their teammates, are bent over having steroids injected into their buttocks.
Meanwhile Giambi is walking around in a golden thong asking his slumping teammates if they’d like to borrow it (argument then breaks out over who gets to wear it).
George Steinbrenner is also walking around, except he’s drooling all over himself and isn’t exactly sure where he is.
Hank Steinbrenner wanders around just yelling randomly just hoping someone will listen.
Posada pre-game ritual includes peeing on his hands. Meanwhile R. Kelly shows up at the clubhouse with a video camera and asks where Roger Clemens' mistress is.
Jaba Chamberlain pre-game ritual involves practicing his fist pumps and obsessively spraying bug repellant on himself.
Brian Cashman sneakily shows up to pick up his paycheck then disappears hoping that no one notices that he’s still on the payroll for some reason.
After everyone’s in uniform and their done with their “pre-game” party, while the other team is having batting practice on the field, the Yankees are practicing curtain calls in their dugout.
The handsome woman who decided to drive her car into a group of Red Sox fans.
In other news, Yankee players aren’t the only ones who are completely insane, their fans proved they are too when a Yankee fan decided to get drunk, get in her car, and drive It into a group of Red Sox fans, killing one of them.
I can’t say I’m entirely surprised by this however, as it seems most Yankee fans are raised to be violent and die that way too. At least that’s what I gathered from this recent email I just happened to receive as I type this article:
my name is gregory ******** l live in new jersey im a new york yankees fan you have no right to say yankees suck my grandfather was a long time new york yankees he died in 2005 at age of 82 i miss him if my grandfather herd yankees suck he will beat you so hard and you will bleed"
Woah gregory! lucky for me he's dead, huh?
Well that’s all for now. Check back soon for plenty of more updates.
David Cone talks about what happens to people in the Yankees bull pen
hahahahha, listen closely.
Sox Fan Buries Shirt In Yankees's New Stadium... HANK PAYS MONEY TO HAVE IT DUG UP AND THREATENS TO SUE
Jesus Christ, this man is officially insane. aside from making public remarks like "i hope his co-workers beat the (explitive) out of him" this is supposed to be a sane and logical man running a multi-billion dollar business known as the New York Yankees.... AND HE DEMANDED THAT WORKERS SPEND 5 HOURS OF OVER TIME WORK ON A SUNDAY TO JACKHAMMER A PEICE OF CLOTHING BURIED UNDER SEVERAL FEET OF CONCRETE SO THE STADIUM WOULDN'T BE "CURSED" .... you may want to take a moment and re-read that last sentence a few times so it sinks in completely.
Now I will admit the guy who buried the Jersey seemed to be kind of an idiot himself, but jesus christ, Hank Steinbrenner aparently legitimately believes in curses. I've got news for you Hank, you can give Jobu all the rum in the world and throw voo-doo dolls all around Fenway park and it isn't going to help your shitty team win. The icing on the cake of this whole story is that Hank threatened to SUE the guy who put the shirt there? I'd love to know what the charge would be.. "felony charge of upsetting a Steinbrenner?" This man is unbeliveable.
Hank Hates Everyone
From ESPN's Page 2:Stop whining into your chowder, Red Sox fans, you aren't alone. After asking Hank (or at least pretending to) we found out that the new Boss doesn't think too highly of any team that isn't the Yankees. Click here to read his comments :)
John Henry Responds to Hank’s Comments by Making Him a Member of Red Sox Nation
From ESPN: “After new Yankees boss Hank Steinbrenner lambasted the notion of Red Sox Nation, Boston principal owner John Henry has offered an olive branch to his American League East rival… "Just to ensure he knows how cool Red Sox Nation is, [Saturday] we officially inducted him as a member of Red Sox Nation and we are sending him his membership card giving him access to an array of options including our newsletter, bumper stickers, pins, Green Monster seats and a hat personally autographed by David Ortiz” Said Henry.
Hank Steinbrenner Continues to Provide Entertainment, Be an Idiot
So Hank decided today, almost certainly against the advice of his public relations department, (though according to ESPN his brother Hal "runs the business side of the YAnkees" so as far as I can tell Hank IS the Yankees Public Relations Department) to not only take a random jab at Red Sox Nation, but at his former manager Joe Torre as well, for no apparent reason whatsoever.
Stein Jr. publicly proclaimed, “Red Sox Nation? What a bunch of [expletive] that is ... This is a Yankee country…. Go anywhere in America and you won't see Red Sox hats and jackets, you'll see Yankee hats and jackets. This is a Yankee country. We're going to put the Yankees back on top and restore the universe to order.”
This statement of course contradicts my own personal experience of that time when I left Massachusetts for a day and saw someone wearing a Red Sox hat. But I guess it’s just my word vs. his at this point.
According to ESPN, Hank has been described as “not afraid to speak his mind, and he appears to have little sense of regret when he does.” I know someone else who can be described this way, he’s a homeless crack dealer who stands outside of 7-11 late at night asking people for quarters and is convinced that the year is 1988.
Steinbrenner didn’t stop there with his grumpy insane ramblings, he also decided to insult the former manager of the 90’s Yankees dynasty was asked how he felt about new Yankees manager Joe Girardi. He responded that he was pleased to have a manager "with a little more fire in his belly" than Torre.
Rumors are that Hank responded in a similar manner as a child when he was introduced to his new stepmother, then immediately responded by kicking his birth-mother in the crotch and questioning her sexual integrity before putting her in a nursing home.
I don't know if it's just me, but it seems as if every day Hank's psychotic comments are making his ex-con father who is suffering from dementia seem like the normal one in the family.
Jon Stewart on Clemens' Congressional Hearing Video
So this video is pretty boring, unless you for some sick reason you think it's entertaining to watch Clemen's make a complete fool of himself on live TV and listen to Congress relentlessly talk about all the different things that have been injected into his buttocks over the last few years. If that's the case, then this is probably the most entertaining video you'll ever see in your life. Enjoy!
Clemens, Pettitte, Among Yankees Named in Mitchell Report on Steroid Use
Here’s a full list of the current and former Yankees named in the report:
Roger Clemens
Andy Pettitte
Gary Sheffield
Josias Manzanillo
Hal Morris
Steve Howe
Rondell White
Chuck Knoblauch
Jason Grimsley
David Justice
Glennallen Hill
Denny Neagle
Ron Villone
Todd Williams
Kevin Brown
Daniel Naulty
Yankee Fan's Loyalty Being Sold on eBay
A Yankee fan of 50 years is selling his loyalty to a different team to the highest bidder on an eBay auction:
"50 years worth of, up to this point, unwavering YANKEE pinstripe fan loyalty. The manner in which Joe Torre’s release is now the breaking point as to where we the Yankees and I have to part ways."
Cleveland took game four to knock New York out of the playoffs. As most people have heard, George has stated that Torree will be fired if the Yankees don't advance to the ALCS (what a "classy" organization).
And as if being eliminated in the first round isn't embarassing enough for the team with the highest payroll in the majors, here's something to put into perspective. The Yankees have now spent 1.2 BILLION DOLLARS in the last 7 years and have not won a championship.
Aside from the Yankees obvious over-rated pitching, one of the main reasons to blame for their pathetic showing can be attributed to Jeter and Arod going a combined 7-32 with just one extra base hit. Derek Jeter made 18 outs in 17 plate appearances in the ALDS. Remember, even though the Yankees are out, you can still celebrate with one of these snazzy tshirts:
Oh, also here's a funny link to Yankees announcer Susan Waldman crying (again) on the Yankees post game show: http://www.wcbs880.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=1057042
And Congrats to Cleveland for beating the yankees, but I must give a good luck to the Red Sox in the ALCS, should be a great series.
Clemens Removed from ALDS Roster
So Susan Waldman's freakout turned out to be a bit excessive after all, eh? (redux video below):
Cleveland Spanks Wang in Game One; Yankees fans assault Red Sox Fan In New York
Victor Martinez jacked one off Wang in the 5th last night to drive in Cleveland 8th run in their route to a 12-3 win. The Yankees starter struggled early but after he couldn't stop the bleeding, Torre had no choice but to Yank Wang after just 4 2/3. Wang was elevating his balls all night which allowd the Indians to rough Wang up. Wang was clearly worn out from the beating he received.
In other news, Yankee fans in New York showed why they're the classiest bunch in baseball once again the othe rnight when two Yankees fans were jailed with felony assault after beating a man into critical condition. The reason? He was wearing a Red Sox cap. Click here to read the story: http://www.boston.com/news/globe/city_region/breaking_news/2007/10/red_sox_fan_ass.html
Yanks Clinch Playoff Spot; A-Rod Celebrates In His Own Way
Red Sox Clinch Playoff Birth, Yanks Still Trail Division
Congrats to the Red sox for becoming the first team in baseball to clinch a spot in the post-season! With a week left to play, hopefully they can still embarass the $200 million dollar team into a second place finish.
NY Post Confirms What We've Always Suspected: Steinbrenner Is Crazy
Yes it's true, Steinbrenner has dementia.
Now I know it's not considered "kind" to poke fun of anyone's health problems, but I really do find humor in the fact that this man who is a liar, theif, convicted felon, and single handedly responsible for ruining baseball for every small market team, is finally being exposed as being insane, though it was pretty obvious to most of us when he gave $46 million dollar to Kei Igawa (who's ERA is currently close to 7) during the offseason.
(note: check back soon, more updates coming)
More Hilarious Yankee Woes
Don’t you just love it when good things happen to good people? Here is a good example, Jason Giambi is out for three weeks. Just when a last place team (the Yankees) thinks they’re down and out, something like this happens, bwhahahaha.
Also you may have heard that A-rod recently slept in a different hotel than the rest of his team while they were in Toronto. No this story doesn’t have anything to do with team chemistry, the news is who he shared his room with: A woman who was not his wife. What Class. Of course A-rod redeemed himself the following day in the game against the blue jays (just a week after making a bush league play against the Red Sox when he tried to elbow Red Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia in the stomach while sliding into second) A-rod was running the bases yesterday and on a routine popup to third, as he ran past the third baseman he yelled something along the lines of “MINE!” which caused confusion among the Toronto infield and resulted in no one catching the ball. (Video Here) Luckily for A-rod it was the 9th inning, because he would have without a doubt caught a fastball between the eyes if he got up to bat again after a blatant cheap bush-league move like that. My guess is that he might be ducking a few times at the plate as the Yanks play the Red Sox this weekend, but we can only hope for now.
Yankees Tied For Last Place with Devil Rays; 13.5 Games Back
Hahahahaha, The highest payroll in all of major league baseball and in last place with a 21-28 record. Surely Roger Clemens Will save them? a 44 year 5 inning pitcher with a 88 mph fastball is all this team needs. Just kidding, their ship is sinking fast, and I've heard that rats will abandon a sinking ship, but I've never heard of a rat (Clemens) getting onto one!
I was going to write a more detailed article about the Yankees miseries, but it's beyond obvious now. I think this short entry sums up everyone's thoughts. But we know that people are going to start getting fired, players are going to g et mad, and other funny things are sure to happen in that crazy Yankee clubhouse all season long, so I will post the embarrassing moments on the site as they happen.
Clemens Is a Fat Greedy Bastard
Lots of updates to the site will be coming very soon so stay tuned and tell your friends. Sorry about the lack of articles lately.
Igawa Not Impressive In Yankee Debut; New Clothing In Our Store
Kei Igawa, the Yankees jealous answer to the Red Sox signing of Matsuzaka, was less than spectacular in his first spring training game of the season. I know it's only spring training and these games are meaningless, but he gave up 2 runs in one inning while walking three, and it took him 38 pitches to finish the inning. His fastball was topping out at 88 MPH. He came out for the second inning but was pulled right after he gave up a single to Sean Casey on the second pitch of the at-bat. I don't know who scouted this guy in the Yankee organization, but I love the fact that they gave $10 million per year to a guy who tops out in the 80's and is already showing serious control issues in his first experience with American baseball.
Do we all remember the disaster named Hideki "Fat Toad" Irabu? Here's some comparisons of Igawa's last 3 year averages vs. Irabu in his final season in Japan before he was acquired by the Yanks:
Igawa 193 innings, 3.50 ERA, 189 k, 54 walks (plus he posted a .294 opponent batting average in 2005)
Irabu 197 innings, 3.47 ERA, 195 k, 67 walks
Then of course Irabu went on to put up an ERA of 7.09 in 53.3 innings of work the following year. He never recovered and the Yankees ended up wasting millions of dollars over the next 3 years. It was hilarious, and this look to be a redux.
Between Igawa (or "Irabu Part 2") and Pavano who has basically been stealing Steinbrenner's money since 2005 the Yankee rotation is looking pretty fierce! Throw in a 38 year old Mussina who has put up an ERA near 4.50 for two out of the last three years, and Pettitte who just put up a 4.20 ERA in the NL and it looks like the Yankees will be wheel-chairing their way to second (or third) place this year. My God, what's their payroll now, like two billion dollars? What a ridiculously stupid way to spend all that money.
By the way, we have a lot of new items in our store, so get ready for the baseball season and please check it out.
Yankee Fans Are Classy
As host of the New York Baseball Writers dinner last Sunday at the New York Hilton, Newark Star-Ledger columnist Dan Graziano was pointing out celebrities in the crowd when one introduction struck a chord. "From the Boston Red Sox . . . Jonathan Papelbon."
The crowd of 1,100 booed in unison.
"I was shocked," Papelbon said. "I just sat there. I never got up out of my seat. No lie, the whole convention center was booing me. This was a black-tie event, and I was like . . . Wow!”
Heckling a rookie at a black tie baseball writers event? That’s a new level of low. And I can say that as someone who heckles eight year olds at little league fields for fun.
If I were a Yankee fan and Darryl Strawberry showed up to my wedding and peed in the punch bowl while high on crack, I still wouldn’t be as embarrassed as I would be after reading that article.
Apparently Igawa's concept of America is that we are a country full of "Metrosexuals" who love the movie "Napoleon Dynamite," so he came to the press conference dressed up as both.
Igawa was quoted as saying, "My baloney has a first name, it's D-E-R-E-K..."
and, "My impression about New York was that there would be a lot of people walking," he said. "But I was surprised there were a lot of cars." (The second quote is actually real).
Red Sox Sign Matsuzaka, Yankees Convince Pettitte Out Of Retirement
The Red Sox announced their signing today of Japanese ace Daisuke Matsuzaka in front of hundreds of members of the media (about 400 more than there were at the press conference for Hideki Matsui), following their signings of J.D. Drew and Julio Lugo. More updates on the Red Sox Signings and the Yankee's falters coming soon.
In the meantime be the first person you know to have a "Dice-K" T-shirt!
The regular season is almost over, and even though it has unfolded in a way that many fans hadn't predicted (especially Red Sox fans) and the Yankees have almost clinched their playoff spot, let me assure you, the Yankees STILL DO SUCK.
Suck at baseball? Well not right now, (well at leats compared ot the way their divison rivals have been playing) but that is not to say they are even close to being the best team going into the playoffs with that pitching staff. But no, that's not what I'm talking about. The Yankees and their fans suck for many other reasons which many people fail to realize, is the whole point of this website.
First and foremost, let's look at the Yankees payroll. More specifically, let's look at the Yankees payoll compared to another team who is currently fighting for a playoff spot, the Florida Marlins. In Jayson Stark's latest useless information column he goes over a few key stats about the two team's payrolls, most notably:
Yankees pre-Sept. 1 payroll: $198,662,180.
Marlins pre-Sept. 1 payroll: $184,317,680 less than that.
Next there is Alex Rodriguez and his relationship with the fans. As most people know he's having a bit of a sub-par year. Gregg Doyle has this to say about the situation in this article about how the Yankees have the worst fans in baseball.
"Look, Yankees fans, if you've really hated A-Rod for most of this summer, then hate him. Hate him for making more money per game ($158,532) than most people make in a year. Hate him for questioning Derek Jeter's leadership in that infamous Esquire interview of 2001. Hate him for being better looking than you, for having a prettier wife than you, for taking off his shirt this summer in Central Park.
But to hate him for the sin of struggling on the baseball field? That's dumb -- and more than dumb, it's counter-productive. "
Now let's take a look at the Owner. The brains behind the whole Yankees operation. As many have heard, plans for a new Yankees stadium is are in the works, but what many havn't heard is how the Yankees are screwing over so many Bronx residents in the process. I recently received an emails from the Friends of John Mullaly Park and Macombs Dam Parks who are organizing a civil suit against the Yankees for planning to build their new stadium in bronx parkland. From their website JohnMullaly.org:
"The Yankees would like to have us believe that nothing but good things will come out of this investment. However, they act as if there has never been such a thing as a bad investment. This entire project is an environmental justice nightmare. It will put a huge burden on some of the City’s poorest residents (the stadium is in the poorest Congressional District in America!) all to benefit America’s wealthiest sports franchise."
Please visit their website to read more about it and/or donate to their cause. They are also selling shirts on eBay to raise money.
Finally, in other random news, A recent survey of 415 MLB players asked which MLB outfeild has the worst arm in baseball. Guess who won? That's right, Mr. Johnny Damon (even Bernie Williams was ahead of him on the list!) How did that saying go? "Looks like Jesus, Acts like Judas, THROWS LIKE MARY!"
Also, if any Yankee fan ever tells you how much of a hardnosed player Whore-hey Posada is and how he's always willing to take one for the team (and that's why he constantly runs his mouth from the safety of the dugout whenever there is any sort of disagreement between anyother team on the feild) just show them this wicked gay picture of him in college I found. Oh also this website is having a Fan Photo contest where you can win $4,000 dollars for being the biggest fan of your team if you're interested.
Looking for old stories that have been published on Yanks-Suck.Com?
Click here to read all that old stuff that used to be on this page.
